Do you want to be forever banished to the outskirts of relevance? Do you want to be more acerbic and bitter, but towards no one in particular? I’ve made it easy for you. Just follow these three easy steps! I know I have.

1. Prefer things that take themselves seriously over things that don’t.

You hear the criticism all the time. “That would have been better if it didn’t take itself so seriously.” It’s been said about Cat Shit One. And Shigurui: Death Frenzy. And lots of other things, too.

Casual discussions of movies and TV shows rarely deviate from the same dozen or so tired, inarticulate phrases, of which this is one. At the end of the day, what does it really mean? Not much. But there is no denying “winking at the camera” is at an all time high in entertainment, especially in stuff aimed at us geeks.

People smarter than me will argue the public is so incredibly media literate nowadays that straightforwardness in a story can easily induce boredom or be misinterpreted as condescension, and thus self-effacing movies and television are the inevitable response to that. Even when media isn’t warped in this fashion, people have an urge to relate to it in an ironic, detached sort of way for the same reason.

Screw that. I like stuff that takes itself seriously. I don’t want to inhabit a world where every goddamned show requires a bit of wackiness and dumb injoking, and at the same time I don’t want sincerity to be reserved for self-important, pretentious artists. Just put something together that makes me feel something, and you can take yourself as seriously as you want.

Of course, I’m not advocating everything be made to fit my predilections. The point is that a self-serious story wins my favor more quickly than a detached one nine times out of ten, no matter how absurd or formulaic it strikes the average person.

2. Feel apathetic towards pop culture references.

There’s not much to say about this one. Pop culture references, in and of themselves, do nothing to make a piece of entertainment better or worse. But in excess they get pretty damn annoying.

Sorry, Scott Pilgrim. It’s not my fault no one told Bryan Lee O’Malley.

Okay, fine, another disclaimer: mindlessly hating something because it has pop culture references in it isn’t what I’m advocating. To wit:

• The best Looney Tunes cartoons were as much a product of their time as Family Guy, filled with references which their original audience was likely to relate to and enjoy. They’re timeless classics in spite of that, not because of it.
• Astro Fighter Sunred is filled with Japanese references, some of which fly way over my head. It’s still the funniest anime I’ve ever seen, deftly blending the absurdity of which anime is easily capable with a very sharp sense of humor about the complications of being a twenty-something year old guy in the modern world.

3. Value what’s worth experiencing more than once.

I’ve seen some of the anime collections people who “really like anime” have. I’ve seen shelves stacked high and deep with stuff they’ve bought. How much of that has been seen? How much of that will ever be watched again? How much of it do they actually like?

Talking about why you like something is a very personal and complex matter, but knowing whether or not you like something is very simple in my book. Does the idea of returning to it at least a second time interest you, purely on its own merits and for no other reason? If so, you have more than a passing interest, and probably like it.

This leads to a distinction all too often unappreciated: the difference between liking something and it being “good enough” to kill time in an otherwise boring and uneventful afternoon/life. Sometimes people lose complete touch with their own preferences, forcing themselves to watch things to completion, either as a self-appointed duty, or for the sake of a warped sense of satisfaction that outweighs their valuation of their own free time. I do not endorse this self-flagellating behavior. Life is too short.

Abandon the hoarding habit if you’ve got it, whether it be material or experiential. Building up a very select library of the coolest things that have ever rocked your eyeballs is way more fun, as is focusing on the entertainment you find most rewarding. I’ll openly admit I buy more home media than I probably should, but a lot of it either gets donated or given away. That DVD box set you bought on clearance but will never watch again doesn’t make you look like an anime expert by sitting on your shelf, and it can do more good in the hands of the needy.

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That’s it! Looking back on this post, I think I can trace back every opinion I’ve espoused on this blog to these three principles. Differing opinions make the world a more interesting place, but this is where I’m coming from.